There must be something wrong with either me or every woman on earth.

From the feedback I’ve been getting lately, I am not the Adonis I think I am.
I keep telling women that my body feels great as far as I’m concerned.
I can hardly keep my hands off of me!
What’s their hold up?
Anywho, apparently there is a bit of a disparity between how I see myself: “A Young Burt Reynolds”
and the way others describe me: “A Train Wreck”.

Could it be that I’m viewing myself through the lens of Narcissism? Do beer goggles apply to oneself?
Maybe my mom was lying when she said that I was handsome.

To all you haters out there, let me just say that I feel sorry for you. You don’t know what you’re missing.
My buttocks are like satiny goose-down filled pillows.
My hamhocks are 60% lean ground beef.
My tongue is like the rough on St. Andrews’ 3rd hole.
And I don’t mean to brag, but my taint is 9 inches.

My body is fantastic, and I can’t get enough of myself.
There’s a reason why these hands are so calloused, ladies. Good reason.

Well, until the rest of the world gets some sense, I’m gonna have myself all to myself.
And that’s not a bad thing.