RenditionThere are few joys in my life, and watching movie trailers is one of them. Reese Witherspoon, listen to me: don’t take this simple pleasure from me. I had the unfortunate displeasure to watch the movie trailer for “Rendition” this morning while checking out and I almost wished that I had never got out of bed.

The movie trailer has the feel that it was written by a community college student who is taking their first Politics and Society class and wants to tell everybody how awful America is.

“America sends people over seas to be tortured! Did you know that!?”
“Yeah. Actually, I told you about it three years ago. Its called rendition.”
“I know! America does that. Whatcha call it?”
“…We’re at war with Iraq because of oil! Did you know that?”

Its one thing to have a preachy movie. Its another to have a self righteous movie telling you exactly what you already know-like “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.

Now aside from the movie being a steaming pile of “Let’s Get Outraged About Something At The Movie Theatre And Then Go Have Dinner At Olive Garden”, you’ve also got to hand it to Reese Witherspoon to raise the bar of Unwatchability so thoroughly.

Obviously, Meryl Streep didn’t have time to sit the young actress down and give her the first rule of good acting. “Whisper everything.”

I want to be fair. I don’t think that any A list actress, not even Anne Hathaway herself could deliver with any dignity the line: “Just tell me he’s okay!!!!!!”

I can’t wait until the sequel “Sleeper Cell” starring Reese Witherspoon and tackling the difficult and politically charged topic of stem cell research comes out. Reese Witherspoon’s Handsome Arab Husband will get Parkinson’s and Meryl Streep, reprising her role as an asshole Neo-Con, will deny him the ability to use undifferentiated embryonic cells to do research on. It will get me so outraged!

Ryan McGivern