Yesterday was Veteran’s Day. I didn’t find this out until I went to Casual Male Big and Tall to check out some stretchy slacks as a Christmas present for my Grampa. After 4 bus transfers, an uncomfortable walk past a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf where one of my old girlfriends works, and a near fatal run in with a speed walking mom with an aerodynamic stroller, I found Casual Male locked up tighter than a Glendale Galleria security guard’s knickers (just because you’ve had to ask me to not loiter in front of Cinnabon doesn’t mean I’m a bad person). I stopped another speed walking mom who passed by (its Glendale people. There’s more speed walking moms here than square feet on Reese Witherspoon’s forehead) and asked her:
“Do you work here?”
“What?”
I guess the place really was closed. Veteran’s Day is a real downer. Everything is all locked up, keeping you out as though you’re the villagers in Dustin Hoffman’s “Straw Dogs”, and what kinda holiday is Veteran’s Day anyway? Haven’t those Veteran’s done enough damage already? Who’s starting all the wars in the world? Veterans. Who’s making the Unified States of Americaland out to be a buncha jerks by going and starting all those wars with Iraq?

Those jerks.
(Iran, don’t get cocky. You’re next.)

Veterans should never have been given a holiday. They should have stuck to what they know best:
Appearing in cool movies by Ken Burns or lending their advice to cool WWII video games to make them more realistic.
“On this level, I think that the player should drive a tank, operate an anti-aircraft gun, with which to desimate a German battalion, fly a bombing mission over Dresden, and machine gun their way through some trench maze, all within a span of 4 minutes.”
“Would one soldier really have done all that in 4 minutes?”
“How you think we won, whippersnapper?”

The greatest irony of all is that my Grampa is a veteran. He fought for the Kaiser in WWI. He’s even lending his help to the new PS3 video game ‘Kaiser Lacheln und Gluck’

Ryan McGivern

Casual Male Big and Tall: 340 N Glendale Ave., www.casualmale.com
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf: 300 N. Glendale Ave., www.coffeebean.com
Glendale Galleria: 2148 Glendale Galleria, www.glendalegalleria.com

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