trekI went to the Check Cashing Place this morning and I made the mistake of asking my attendant through the bullet proof glass how she was.

She clanked my money into the metal slot that’s big enough to clank money through but not big enough to fit a pistol through and said:
I guess that meant her day was “just fine, thank you.”

I have a hard time communicating with people, too, I’ll admit it. Whenever I’m trolling chatrooms, I’ll do something stupid like ask ArwenElf203948 if she wants to meet me at the Blockbuster by my house without first waiting the ‘requisite 10 minutes of IMing before asking to meet a stranger at Blockbuster’. There seems to be so many unwritten and written rules about how to talk to people!

When I am Ouiji boarding by myself in my incense drenched bedroom and I ask the spirit what color underwear it’s wearing, the marker always jumps over to the “Goodbye” in the corner. How am I to know all the finer details of necromancy if no one tells me?

If the waitress at Denny’s doesn’t have the proper etiquette and social tact to introduce herself formally and shake my hand, of course I’m going to call her “Sweet Tits”- but still I’m the one who gets looked down upon by the Denny’s management!

To give you yet another example of how hard it can be to have an adult conversation with someone, this is what happened to me last night at the Minx‘s men’s bathroom:
Some Guy: Hey. What’s up?
Me: Hey! Not much how are you doing tonight? Don’t you just LOVE the DJ here?
He plays just the BEST music!
Some Guy: Yeah. Cool. You wanna party?
Me: Ohmygawd I love to party. I’ve been wanting to party all day.
Some Guy: Yeah? Let’s go into the stall and talk about it.
Me: Your shirt is just adorable! I love it.
Some Guy: Yeah. Well, I’ve got some other cool stuff to show you too.
Me: Show and tell? Aren’t you the brave little boy in front of the class!
Some Guy: Yeah. Uh, can you keep your voice down? I mean, the staff here
are really uptight about this kind of thing, so…..
Me: Where did you get your shirt? It is just adorable!

We went back and forth like this for like 20 minutes and I never did find out where he bought his shirt. I mean, what gives?

There is nothing I find more difficult than talking to girls. I know, many of you might have pegged me as a ‘Don Juan’ type but I am pretty much the opposite. I’m more John Cusack than John Cusack could ever be. I think that in the Guiness World Record for the most sexually frustrated animals it would be a tie between me, captive pandas, Trekkies, and the roadies for Ratt’s ‘Invasion of Your Privacy’ Tour.

Not that talking to people is all that important when you have a blog. Why bother talking to people when you can sit in a dark room on a Friday afternoon and blog about how difficult it is to talk to someone?

Ryan McGivern

The Minx: