stageSince I have been in Hollywood, I’ve learned all kinds of things about acting.

From Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), I’ve learned that there’s no reason why your eyebrows should ever stop moving. Angry? Move your eyebrows on each syllable. Any emotion: same.

I’ve also learned that the most important part of being a successful actor is enunciation.
You can practice this at home by seeing if your ex can tell you’ve been drinking when you call them at 3 am. “Whh dn we evveh jsst thalk anmogh? YknowhatImean? Hngg out?”: Needs Practice.

When acting, its important to look like you’re not acting. You’ve GOT to look natural, people. This can be achieved in three ways:

  1. run your hand through your hair while yawning.
  2. scratch your face while coughing.
  3.  pick your ear while whistling.

It’s hard to make an onstage kiss look realistic. Especially when your partner hates you and your ‘Americano Breath’. I’ve learned that making ‘yummy’ noises will not only ‘sell it’ to your audience, but it might get you a date with that acting class hottie who’s been telling you to leave them alone.

If you’re gonna make it in TinselTown, you’ve got to bring your ‘A Game’ to auditions. I’ve found that casting directors love it when:

  1. Your headshots are not 5X7 pictures taken of you and your cousin at Christmas.
  2. You complement them with: “You’re much more professional than the casting director for ‘Scrotal Terror 6’.”
  3. Your cell phone doesn’t go off, and you don’t take the call, and it’s not a call from your landlord, and you don’t argue with Mrs. Bolanski about your April rent.

I wish all you aspiring actors and actresses the best of luck, and if you know anybody that’s hiring, I have barista experience.

Ryan McGivern