Hello friends and enemies.
I’ve just finished a sandwich that qualified as a sandwich by its being two pieces of bread.
I wanted to share with you all a secret: I don’t believe in aliens.
Which makes my UFO sightings all the more troubling.

There is a lot about me that you probably don’t know. Like:
1) I’ve never checked out a book from a library.
2) I can talk about any sport and any recent game played by any two teams well enough to suggest that I actually care about sports yet without having ever watched a full game of anything other than my roommates’ “Risk” tournaments.
3) I’ve got full-on Obama fever.


To celebrate the New Obama Era, I wanted to point you all over to my friend’s eBay page where he’s got a steam chair for sale.
Seriously, a steam chair.
Have you seen that James Bond movie where Bond is almost killed by
being stuck in that hot ass sarcaphagus thing that’s like boiling him
alive? Yeah. Its like that.
What better way to ring in the beginning of Obama’s term than with
the only chair that could almost kill James Bond?

Bid early and often.