Billions of people around the world think religious genius and Pop Religion Icon Jesus Christ is dead and buried but nothing could be further from the truth.

You be the judge.

In fact, say religious sources around the world in a position to know, the ‘Original Jesus Christ Superstar’ died and then rose from the dead three days later to allow humanity to escape the crushing pressures of life in sin -and he is now socked away equally in heaven, in Christians’ hearts via the Holy Ghost, in communion wafers, in icons, in images burned into tortillas, and equally everywhere at once due to a power known as omnipresence.
And in the strangest twist of all, say the insiders, once he’s rested and ready, Jesus Christ, age 2009, will blow the lid off speculations that he is “either dead, gone, uncaring in a Deist way, or absolute sham” and make a comeback tour on May 21 2011. Adoring fans are already buying tickets to Frankenmuth Michigan’s World Beer Expo to celebrate his surprise career turn.

“Jesus Christ is following in the footsteps of others he greatly admired –Amelia Earhart, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Jim Morrison, L. Ron Hubbard, all who faked their deaths and are still alive, and in hiding, today,” Pastor Joshua Loomis, of Topeka’s Victory Chapel said in this previous Sunday’s sermon.

“Make no mistake, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, both as a performer and as and showman and marketer and promoter. Remember when he made water into wine just to get the publicity? Remember when he reputedly was trying to combat imperialism, injustice, ethnic bigotry, and classism through non-violent protest and inclusive fellowship? If you look at his history of stunts he’s pulled to keep himself in the public eye, like loving social outcasts and committing himself to egoless service, the idea that he would rise from his death makes sense.” Loomis said.

“Let’s face it – Jesus Christ has been vilified by many in the the liberal media and by people who just don’t like him. He’s been called ‘Just A Good Man’ and ‘Chief Among the Prophets But Yet Not God’, ‘The Firstborn of Creation-Meaning an Angel’, ‘The Son of God, Meaning a Human Turned God Who Created This World And Is Son Of Elohim Who Lives Near The Planet Kolob’, et cetera, et cetera. When Jesus comes back May 21, 2011 he’ll set matters straight and by the way it will be awesome to hang out in Frankenmuth Michigan for their beer festival. I love Michigan!” The pastor said, to his congregation’s ‘amens’.

“Yes, he’s got billions of fans. Yes, he’s sold perhaps billions of books about him. But for all the love he gets, there are those who still get their rocks off by being asswipes to other people and justify it by using his name and legacy. It ain’t right, and it hurts overall sales. With all due respect to the President of United States, Jesus Christ on a ‘Back from the Dead, Gone, or Uncaring Tour’ will make Obama look like a B-List celebrity.” Pastor Loomis then quoted at length from I Corinthians chapter thirteen and Frankenmuth’s website.

More on this story as it develops – exclusively at

But not everyone is convinced. There are some who believe that Jesus Christ has, in fact, died. Secular Humanist and volunteer firefighter Mike Gresch says Elvis Presley welcomed Jesus into the Great Nothingness. “Non-existence isn’t all that bad I’d imagine. Anywho, god bless him. I love that guy. Elvis, I mean. And Jesus too I guess. I wish them both well.” Gresch then added, “Frankenmuth Michigan is a great town and it has some of the nicest people you’d want to meet. Jesus or no Jesus, I’ll be there come May 21 2011.”

(Highlight @ 4:41)