November 2009


A Santacon invite:

Thanksgiving is now behind us, putting us squarely in ‘The Holidays’ now, which can mean only one thing:  Santa Clauses coming To Town… LOTS of them.

On Saturday, December 12th, 2009, beginning at 11:30am, hundreds of Santas of all stripes will converge at an as-yet-undisclosed location to begin a day of fun known alternately as ‘Santarchy’ or ‘Santacon’.

If you’ve never attended a Santarchy, we highly recommend it.  There’s just nothing like roaming the city dressed as Santa Claus in a big, red Santa mob, singing carols, handing out candy canes, and popping into pubs for a quick sip once in awhile.

For more information on Santarchy/Santacon Seattle, check out the Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=168342134116, or go to http://www.trisantacon.com/, where you can get info about the Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, and Bellingham Santacons.  Be sure to check back at those sites closer to the day of the event to get information on where to meet and how to catch up if you miss the start.

And if you need a Santa suit, you might be surprised at how inexpensive they actually are.  This time of year you can find them at lots of major retailers, or whip up something yourself from old clothes, fabric, or odds-and-ends laying round the house.  And although Santa is the primary character roaming the streets on Santarchy, you’ll be sure to find some elves, and maybe reindeer and other known Santa associates.

We hope to see you out on December 12th for Seattle Santarchy!

Happy Holidays!

dirty bunny

It’s a sinful world, so I know you want to hide out
Even if we only go to my Fallout
Sip grape Kool Aid as we sit upon my couch
Life is shit, and I know you want to punch out
You love Mel Gibson’s “Passion”, I think you own it
In terms of reality, you’re not grounded
In our society, you feel surrounded
Tell me what size robe you wear girl

Chorus
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
I been reading
Wake up in the late night
Been reading about the Rapture, girl
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
Don’t need justice and love
Just need shelters and guns…
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh
(Ten Two One Two Oh Eleven)
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh
(G-spot g-spot let me hit that g-spot g-spot girl)

Verse 2
I’m so busy reading Revelations 10
1-2-3… All I see is sins
Tap out, don’t fight for your friends
Ring that bell, and we gon cross River Jordan
We hatin’ our neighbors, ’cause what Glenn Beck say
Street preachin’ for hours, I know you thirsty
Poop and Skoal stains on our jeans just like Hershey’s
You look just like Michele Bachmann, girl

Chorus
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
I been scheming,
Wake up in the late night
Seen demons ’round your oven, girl
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
Don’t need reason or sense
‘Cuz Kirk Cameron’s my friend
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh
(Ten Two One Two Oh Eleven)
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh

Verse 3
First, I’m gonna quit my job and buy a Jeep
Then round up and slaughter the sheep
Then make a concrete panic room and chapel beneath yo feet
And make you swear not to tell anybody ’bout it
Or maybe we can float away in the Rapture (gone)
You close your eyes as I give a Bible lecture
We move away from loved ones, friends and culture
You know the GOP will never please us
We share a love for guns and Harold Camping
We can’t talk about Catholics without snapping

Chorus
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
I been reading
Wake up in the late night
Been reading about the Rapture, girl
World you ought to die-ie, world you ought to die-ie
Don’t need justice and love
Just need shelters and guns…
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh
(Ten Two One Two Oh Eleven)
Doomsday Sects, Doomsday Sects oohoohoohooh
(G-spot g-spot let me hit that g-spot g-spot girl)

I think I did it again.
I felt my sphincter just heave
on my cute pussy friend.
Oh, baby;
It came out just like hot mush,
Like a choc’late cream
This is serious.
‘Cause to lose all my senses…
That is just so typically me.
Oh, baby; baby.

Oops!
… I pooped on my cat.
my feline’s not safe at home.
Got most of the foam.
Oh, baby; baby.
Oops!
… You thought I wouldn’t be crass.
I’ll have to give you a bath…
I’m not that innocent.

You see my problem is this:
I’m drinking away;
Washing down churros, I’m truly pissed.
I try waddling on by
Can’t you see my butt drool
all down the hallway?
ASPCA cites my pooping offenses…
When I drink I typically buttpee.
Baby, oh.

Oops!
… I fecaled your fur.
I sprayed on your paws.
You won’t be the same.
Oh, baby; baby.
Oops!
… You thought I could play it cool
That I had solid stool…
I’m not that innocent.

[Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah]

“Last Call!”
“Gnome, before you go, there’s something I’m probably going to do on you.”
“Oh, you’ve been drinking! I’d better be going, ooooh…isn’t this… ?”
“Yeah, yes, it is.”
“But I thought that you’d learned not to drink in just your boxers…”
“Well, kitty I like to be comfortable when I’m boozing and….oops now I’m pooping.”
“Aw, you shouldn’t have.”

Oops! I
Did it again on my pet.
Got more
than just carpet; oh, baby.
Oops! Now
I’m filled with regret…
I’m not that innocent.

Oops!
… I pooped on my cat.
I’d drank too much Pabst.
You’re my sewer cat.
Oh, baby; baby.
Oops!
… My colon gave me a shove.
I’ll clean you while wearing gloves…
I’m not that innocent.

Oops!
… I did it again.
I sprayed on your coat.
I feel so much shame.
Oh, baby; baby.
Oops!
… You looked like the rug.
I squatted above…
I’m not that innocent.

I’ve been thinking about the internet lately.
And I’ve formed some thoughts about it:
1) It could lead to a micro-response survey towards democratic progress. Imagine a service established where your local, state, and federal representatives are immediately notified of your daily wants, needs, annoyances, grievances. Of course, one would have to sign up for this service and as easy as it is currently to send an email to one’s politicians–apathy usually reigns supreme in democracies. However, with this, individuals could send up to the minute critiques and ideas to their representatives. This will require massive data banking and sorting on the part of the governments.
2) Elitist and exclusivist sects will have a harder and harder time of it. Imagine Scientology’s umbrage about sites like clambake.org, etc. The leaking of high Mormon rites and the disclosure of once occult knowledge will have to ‘change the game’ of how sects are formed and maintained. This goes for the communitas of religious sects also. Home groups and Bible studies being able to meet remotely will shift the expectations of worshippers. This remote worshipping and gathering isn’t so bad an idea for America’s penchant for superchurches. The feasibility for continued stadium-like gathering on a(n at least) weekly basis is unsustainable and grossly wasteful.
3) The nature of education must quickly shift. The fact that America is still beholden to a school model that was created under a rural agrarian culture reveals America’s convervative and regressive tendancies. What does a liberal education look like when one has access to all of the world’s accumulated knowledge? The emphasis upon critical thought and the formation of concise questioning must begin to occur. This no less than a traininng in ethics. The fact that America has fostered a largely imperial, colonizing, and Eurocentric foundation in their education is widely known yet has been completely repealed. Our young must not ‘learn history’ but begin deciphering the many histories and uncover the lost and marginalized histories and narratives that could bring revolutionary thought and action. The puritanical shackles on our public schools glare of hypocrisy and naivete when any youth with a computer can see infinite acts of violent or degrading pornography but must wait until the 5th grade to get a remedial and bashful sexual education.
4) Any individual who lambasts the “mainstream media” for being ‘slanted’, or ‘biased’ is uttering words of no worth. We all know that no report is ‘objective’ and no group, publication, or media outlet can possibly come close to offering ‘the truth of the matter’. Everyone is biased. If we’re to talk about bias, let’s take it beyond ‘liberal or conservative’ and look at biases of sex, gender, race, class, etc. And of course, we know that there is no mainstream media in the way that it is usually spoken of. There is now increasingly an information cloud and ‘news’ is necessarily becoming more opinion-entertainment. Why? Because individuals are becoming able to read and watch first hand accounts–from multiple sources. That any cable network is biased is a given. No individual in the internet age can expect to receive information about their world passively. The last and most important filter and search engine will always be the individual’s critical mind.
5) The internet as we know it now is scroll compared to the codex that’s coming. The enhanced reality applications will continue to increase as well as the ‘wetworks’ of cybernetic technology. This means that many will cease to distinguish between “being online” and “being offline”. There will only be the new way of being. In the rare occasions when Americans now are away from electricity, we make note of it: “I was off the grid on my hiking trip.” With the possibility of a near global wi-fi this phenomenon will may be even more rare.
6) Convenient access to the whole of the internet is a universal human right. (Listen up, China!) The Vatican and many ethicists agree: every person has the right to clean drinking water, health care, food, and the internet. This is a turning point in our human culture. This means that international labor unions will begin to arise through grassroots. The advocacy for non-toxic environments going towards permaculture that support dignified living will gain the support of all working class peoples and the production/consumption cycle will be uncovered for the exploitative system that it is. As Mother Jones said, “Organize, organize, organize!” The internet will allow for greater pushback against corporate greed and inhumanity.

The internet is profiting the possibility for greater ethical and critical thought and action to be forwarded by diverse laborers throughout the globe. It also carries the potential to decrease extremism in sectarian beliefs as veils of secrecy and isolated worship are overcome with transparency. More and more the internet will be integrated into our consciousness as a fork, spoon, shoe than a periodic tool used to access a web destination.

Ryan McGivern