Sleep is something humans have often taken for granted. Anyone who’s had a touch of insomnia has awoke to the simplest and grandest pleasure we fleshy folk got. I knew a fellow who once chose to be medically placed into and kept in REM sleep for fourteen years. A neuro-bot would occasionally check in on him to see if he wanted to wake up and he declined repeatedly saying-“I just want to see the end of this dream through.” He finally woke up to attend his mother’s funeral and then went directly back to sleep. He got so good at dreaming that he in his dream chose to sleep. A neuro-bot once gave him a critical look during a visit and the fellow asked her “Isn’t all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?”

Anywho, it was because of sleep that I heard this story. It was during a time long ago–just around the time that music had been re-discovered. You must have been just a glimmer in your birthtube’s DNA stock, but I was already to an age where I was lying about my age and old enough to know that nobody believed me.

You see the GreatTechs, or Deus Machinas as some ‘believers’ called them had decided that they wanted to take a nap. They tried everything they could: possessing different bios, inhabiting varied avatars, hiding in wormholes, being incarnated as actual opium plants….nothing worked. They decided that they would try the old human trick of having a lullabye sung to them.

So they sent out a dream message to all creatures–bio, synth, neuro, hyQ, Cy, bot, android, and daemon–asking for the finest singer bard to come to their dimensional plane to help lull them to sleep. Well, many came to their aid. A program with the voice of Garrison Keillor and the sensibilities of GWF Hegel came and almost succeeded. A college freshman who had just found the writings of Marx had just about lulled them to sleep but an inopportune TXT message from an Ex stirred the GreatTechs into an emotional tizzy.

Then came h0m-R. He was a blind burlesque who thought he’d give the lullabye a try.
He came before them and sang the song of the ages. A story/song of such beauty and grace that the GreatTech could not but help but have their universe-controlling consciousnesses tranquilized and comforted. This was not the story of Ulysses S. Groan. That comes later. No, the lullabye he shared was the most sublime song ever to be composed and barely was able to fit into sound at all for the grandeur of it was fit only for the wet dreams of angels.

It’s peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time
(Chorus:)
Where he at 4x
There he go 4x
Peanut butter jelly 4x
Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly,
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat 2x
(Chorus)
Now, break it down and freeze 4x
(Chorus)
Now tic tac toe (uh-huh)
Tic tac toe (let’s go)
Tic tac toe (you got it)
Tic tac toe (let’s ride)
(Chorus)
Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style 2x
Where he at 4x
There he go 4x

Sleep is a danger than humans often overlook. Anyone who’s had a touch of the ‘oversleeps’ has awoke to either guns blazing, appointments missed, snakes hissing, trains quickly approaching, or an embarrassing wetness. Yes, sleep is a hazard to anyone. When do you think vampires and repo men most often strike?
When Deus Machinas sleep, trouble is magnified greatly as it happens. You see, these modern gods had a nice little snooze and dreamt how nice it would be if humans didn’t exist. When they awoke (not without a nasty case of morning breath) they decided to terminate all humankind from every universe bubble in the multiverse.
As you can imagine, h0m-R couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible.

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