Hello I’m Brit Hume. I’m not a  theologian, pastor, or even a remotely thoughtful person.
But I know what’s right for you and your most intimate soul-searching questions.
Why would you listen to me?…Just some ol’ hack that’s ended up on the scrap heap of tv ‘news’?
I’ll tell you why: because I love Jesus almost as much as I love judging people and telling them what to do.
Britney! You need Jesus.
Tony Danza, Repent!
Woody Allen: I’ve scheduled your exorcism.

I’m so glad that Tiger Woods was exposed to be doing what a large majority of married men do!
It gave me the opportunity to chime in on his personal life, perceived failings, and spirituality.
Think of the situation Tiger would be in if he hadn’t been caught cheating! He would never had the chance to hear about the Saving Power of Jesus from me, Brit Hume.
You can thank me later, Tiger. After you’re baptised that is. I don’t want the thanks of a heathen.

This is perfect timing for you to come to Jesus. Everybody gets a touch of the Jesus Crazy when they’re publicly shamed for something they probably really enjoy.
Doing meth and sucking off male prostitutes? No problem.
Embezzlement, conspiracy, theft, murder? Just start talkin’ Jesus and all your problems will go away.

Tiger, if you only would have been busy worshipping the God of my specific sect, you would never have come into these problems. But since you’re there now, listen to me, Brit Hume: Come get some of this red hot blood of the Lamb buddy. Jump right in. Everything floats down here.

Its hard being me. No one hardly ever listens to my spiritual direction. When my neighbor complained about my overgrown hedge blocking their sunlight and I told them to get right with God, they continued being Episcopalian! I’m praying for them.

People who listen to me never regret it. I listen to me all the time and I’ve never said a thing I didn’t like yet.
I love listening to me so much. Jesus must love to listen to me pray.
And I’ll be praying for you Tiger Woods. You’re on my Prayer List.
Also on my prayer list: A Vikings Superbowl win this year. Go Vikes!