It is time to take California back from the corporate-elite and put it into the hands of a corporate-elite turn quasi politician!
Hello, its me Meg Whitman.
I want to speak to you today about getting California Green. And by that I mean getting California Republicans to allow me to buy their votes.
If ‘grassroots’ campaigning means ‘throw money all over the ground and let the stupid masses swarm to it like pigslop’ then yes, I’m running a grassroots campaign.
I’ve stirred the hearts of the GOP party! At first anyway.
What more do you want from me? 68 Million dollars spent in campaigning not enough?
You want substance? Experience? Coherence? Leadership?
Your current Governor has leadership experience saving John Conner from a liquid metal machine from the future!

Steve Poizner says I’m not ‘strong enough on undocumented residents’. I’m proposing to build a wall like mother fucking Berlin across our entire border! Amnesty? Hate the word. Sanctuary? Get outta here.
What more do you want? A hunting season?

Well, if rabid fear mongering and xenophobia are what you want–I’ll give it to you! In beautifully shot advertisements that will play ceaselessly even after I’m elected governor.
Sheesh. How can Mountain Dew effectively market a bright yellow green, semi opaque, kidney destroying and organ-fat enveloping syrup with as little as Pepsi’s 1.2 Billion brand overhaul and I can hardly shill out my vapid rightwing rhetoric at 68 Million? 

I guess I’ll never understand how to buy an election primary.