(the scene is in an office.)

One: Hey there. If you have a minute I would like to talk to you about this morning.
Two: Oh boy. Here we go. This is about how I was three hours late isn’t it.
One:
The lateness is a good issue to some day discuss but I was going to actually encourage you.
Two: Encouragement? From you? That’s like believing that my dentist has good news.
One: Yes. I wanted to encourage you to to either clean up your blood in the bathroom or at least notify Jason in custodial services.
Two: Blood? Blood? Oh, you’re talking about my vomit.
One: Okay then. Your vomited blood.
Two:
Well, sure, but why splice hairs? The point is maybe you should get your facts straight before you start a witch hunt.
One: Well maybe I did get off on the wrong foot this morning. First things first. Happy Monday.
Two: Now we’re talking Stephanie! Yeah! Rock and Roll Monday! Friday is almost here. I can almost taste Friday now. And perhaps not surprisingly it tastes like blood.
One: You certainly seem excited. You must have had a good weekend.
Two: I had the best weekend ever! Las Vegas baby! Las Freaking Vegas mother freaking Nevada baby!
One: Las Vegas.
Two:
Yeah, you know. The City of Light.
One: That’s Paris.
Two: The Big Apple.
One: New York.
Two:
The Eternal City.
One:
That’s Rome for Pete’s sake.
Two:
Look, I’m trying to tell you I was in Las Vegas.
One: How can you be going to Vegas when you owe me five hundred bucks?
Two:
I know! That’s why I went there. I went to get you your money back.
One: Good. Because I’ve run out of food and insulin so a little cash will help me out until the end of the month.
Two: Well, I don’t exactly have it for you now, Stephanie. But I’ve got three hundred bucks riding on a sure thing as we speak. A race horse with a hunger to win. A big hunger!
One: You bet three hundred on a horse?
Two: ell, the horse actually ate the three hundred. Its hungry! But I’ve been told I’ll get it back in full in about four days. And who knows? That’s a hungry horse! No telling what else he’ll pay out.
One: That’s some investment scheme.
Two: Well aren’t you judgmental? I happen to think that Vegas is an awesome way to spend a weekend. You’re just jealous Stephanie because your life is more boring than my seven year old daughter’s.
One: My weekends are very full I will have you know. I have my hobbies to keep me busy. You know. My smoking for instance.
Two: Smoking is not a hobby.
One: It is if you use your exhaled smoke to paint a charcoal likeness of prehistoric cave paintings on your kitchen wall.
Two: I’ll give you that.
One: But to tell you the truth, I would like to go to Las Vegas someday.
Two: Oh my god Stephanie! You’ve got to go! Its like the best place in the world! Imagine a city that’s magically appeared from the dream of a fifty year old man in a failed marriage who has given up on life. That’s Vegas!
One: The closest I’ve ever come to going to Las Vegas was a blind date I went on at Disneyland.
Two: I’m jealous! How’d it go?
One: Well, He never showed up, but I had a pretty good time any way.
Two: That guy doesn’t know what he’s missing Stephanie. You are a catch. I bet you were the best looking single woman at Dizz Knee Land by her self that day. I mean aside from the robotic drunk chicks on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.
One: That’s awfully nice of you to say. So you were in Las Vegas all weekend?
Two: Well I was there for fifteen minutes.
One: Fifteen minutes? What were you doing with the rest of the weekend?
Two: Walking back here. I lost my car and then I lost my plane tickets and then I lost my bus tickets and then I lost my bicycle in poker games so I had to walk back. And I might mention, I ran the last eight miles so forgive me if I was three hours late. Its not like I didn’t try or anything.
One: You lost your car and let a horse eat your money?
Two: Its not like I wanted the horse to eat my money or I wanted to lose every thing I owned. I’m not an idiot you know. Its your fault I even went to Las Vegas! The way you’re always pestering me about your five hundred bucks and how I really should leave town.
One: I ask you to move out of town and never come back. Not take a vacation to Las Vegas! You moron!
Two: I’m not a moron Stephanie. But maybe I am a fool for loving you.
One: You are nothing but an irresponsible wreck! I should fire you right now.
Two: I bet you won’t.
One: Don’t be so sure, buddy. Why shouldn’t I?
Two: When I ran out of collateral, I bet Jimmy The Card Shark my life that you wouldn’t fire me.
One: So that’s why there’s six goons waiting in the parking lot with guns and shovels.
Two: That’s right. I used your good nature and compassion as leverage to keep my job and also by extension my life.
One: So by my not firing you, all you get is to stay alive?
Two: Well that, and you get to continue seeing me every day. Lucky you huh! (sings) Luck be a lady tonight!
One: So its a win lose proposition.
Two: Hey Stephanie, its like they say. The house always wins.

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